Fatman Football - A Semi-Recreational League

Commissioner Carmelo “Owens” Ruiz has issued the following statement: ”New Season, More Football, More Fun, More Fat!” I’d like to welcome all our members back from a fat filled holiday season….after eating all that food during Thanksgiving and Christmas, you all probably gained alot of weight…but that’s ok, you are now in shape for the Spring season of Fatman Football… With the weather now shaping up nicely and it getting warm enough to cook that fat on your chichos, we’d like to get our first game started on Sunday 4/18 @Fatboy Field in Kearny NJ tentatively @10am…if you need an address, please advise, but it’s immediately to your left off Schuyler Ave after turning up off of Harrison Ave in Harrison… Our first game will be in honor of our first retirement from Fatman Football…our past president and founder Jairo Paredes suffered a debilitating knee injury that required surgery…it appears that the doctors were able to save the knee, but couldn’t stop a huge vagina from growing…so we will move forward and in honor of him play this game we love and eat some fat food and drink beer after the game…hope to see you all there… 

Juice ‘Fishback’ ReyesSargeant-Fat-Arms 

If you are interested in joining, please send an email to carmelojr@hotmail.com

Order your shirts: http://fatmanfootball.logosoftwear.com/

New designs to follow!

Fellow Fatmen,
I send another weekly installment of our team’s recap and highlights…

First I want to officially introduce our three new Fatman members:
1) Orlando ‘Landy #2’ Colon
2) Jack ‘Ankles’ Ly
3) Martin ‘Brian Urlacher’ Dibattista
All are questionably fat…as a matter of fact, they aren’t….but Orlando doesn’t know where he’s going and Jack isn’t particularly fast, so he still meets the maximum 15 seconds 40 yd dash standard…
Martin on the other hand was all over the field at safety…I think he was in two places at the same time…He was catching TD passes…I mean when he was doing wind sprints and jogging around the field, we knew we were in trouble…..

and a couple old ones:
1) Landy ‘The original Animal aka LobsterClaw aka Lanka” Estrada
2) Deivi “Mangu” Baez

Special shout outs go to Raf for bringin his whole family to come play…he had like 5 heads show up including his two little brothers…I felt like I was playing in grammar school…..good sh*t Raf…it made the games more fun w/bigger teams….and also to Landy who flew in from San Francisco @7am on a redeye, and still came to the field to play…
that’s some fatman dedication…

Now to the games…..Game 1 was run by Ketal the Curry Commander and myself Juice the Fishback:
-Ketal had a typical game…he threw for all his td’s and ran for one….
-Martin as mentioned was a beast…running by everyone for mad TD catches…even outrunning Speedy Alex..
-Allen keeps getting better every week…he’s a big target out there and deceptively fast…and I didnt know you could score TDs by sneaking them outside the cone either…
-Raf was busy looking after the little guys on the field…making sure they had their cookies and milk…the one w/the afro kept asking to QB on 4th down but they all matched up well flying around the field against each other…
-Deivi was mad heavy on the D-line even trying to blitz on a silent count w/o counting Mississippi’s…I thnk he was blitzing more than once too!…..
-Melo and Jack were nice targets down the field…Melo kept claiming he was open, like always but he wasnt….
-Jack used his grasshopper powers to go after 2 jump balls I threw up to him…that was pretty amazing for real!..
Although my team started out quickly and got a turnover on a fumble by one of Rafie’s kids, our 3-2 lead quickly vanished and we lost 7-4…I think we did prove I am a better QB than Jairo…

Game 2 was not even close…Rafie’s kids decided to all be on one team…..and Raf got pulled in w/them…he couldnt escape…..they added Jack to their mix….the opposing team was everyone else…
-This game had everything…..bombs down the field to Alex, Melo, and Allen…..
-Ketal was gunning it like he was John Elway against the Bucs of the 70’s….
-Orlando actually caught one pass down the sideline so he got involved…
-Carmelo’s scruffy beard was playing harder defense than the other team…
-The poor kids weren’t getting burnt like fried rice left too long on a Chinaman’s wok…..I mean we were arguing who was going to kick the ball off…damn it was a beat down of historic proportions…
-Mike Vick in red socks tried to out juke me on a kick return…but I didnt go anywhere and tagged him..he didnt realize I wasn’t going anywhere on the play cuz I am to slow and heavy to run after him…so I just stayed still…lol
-Landy and Deivi were blitzing at the same time….they rocked Jack’s world a few times…
-Landy threw a devastating block… on our only run play…poor kid didnt see it coming..he took out one of Raf’s kids on the sideline and made me laugh so hard I went out of bounds….
-Everyone said I had the highlight of the game: caught a pass from Ketal and out ran 3 of Rafie’s kids to the other side of the field showing off my fishback jukes til I got pushed out of bounds…they say I looked like the Guatemalan Emmitt Smith…
Final score: 7-zip

Player awards:
Brian Bosworth award: Raf’s friend that had the Raiders looking jersey…for thinking his squad had a chance against us in game 2 and he could be the QB
Pete Rose award: Alex’s picture on Facebook…he looks like he’s a blur…..too fast for the camera
Man Crush award: Ketal again for looking to All
Neophyte award: Martin for his Troy Polamalu imitation…I swear he has a teleport machine
Dick Butkus award: Ketal for playing dirty defense and having 3 Ints and running 2 back for TDs against the Pop Warner team…
Fairplay award: Landy for making nice and easy two handed blocks and tags…
Referee award: Ketal for screaming the loudest to win calls
Hunchback award: Jack for reinjuring his ankle again…but trooping it…
Herb award: Nelson Nieves again for not showing up….AGAIN

Alright….let’s see if we get enough people to play again this Sunday 10/18 @9:30am…same field…

Fatman Football - 3rd game-scheduled Sunday, October 11th, 2009


We are playing this Sunday at 9:30am in kearny. All are welcome so please join us for a game of 2 hand touch football.

WHEN: Sunday, October 11th, 2009
TIME: 9:30am
WHERE: West Hudson Park in Kearny NJ (Between Davis Ave and Duke St.)
***See google map link below***

http://maps.google.com/maps?hl=en&ie=UTF-8&q=west+hudson+park+kearny+nj+address&fb=1&gl=us&hq=West+Hudson+Park&hnear=West+Hudson+Park&cid=11929597010591506427&li=lmd

Driving Directions:

From Garden State Parkway:

Take Route 280 East; get off at the Harrison exit; at the bottom of the ramp, make a left onto Harrison Avenue; drive about one mile and make a left onto Davis Avenue; drive approximately three-quarters of a mile (passing over the railroad tracks and under the overpass) into West Hudson Park. There is a small car parking lot next to the ball fields located on the corner of Davis Avenue and Duke Street.

From NJ Turnpike:

Take Exit 15W. After the toll get off at the first exit (Kearny). Make a right off the exit and go approx 1 mile and make a right onto Davis Avenue. Go approx ¾ mile, over the railroad tracks and under the overpass into West Hudson Park. There is a small car parking lot next to the ball fields located on the corner of Davis Avenue and Duke Street.

Or:

Take Exit 15W and after the toll booth bare to the right and follow signs for Kearny. Drive about 0.8 of a mile to come to Schuyler Avenue. Make a right turn onto Schuyler Avenue and proceed north for 0.3 of a mile. Turn left into the park via Woodland Drive. There is a small car parking lot next to the ball fields located on the corner of Davis Avenue and Duke Street.

Hello Fellow Fatmen,
By now most of you who made the time and had the guts to play on Sunday, have either limped to work or required assistance to get into and out of your beds.  Motrin and Tiger Balm never felt so good.  Even as a repeat offender of disrespecting my body, I had a bit of a hard time walking around yesterday.  Nevertheless, it was all worth it!  We had a succesful Sunday by playing 2 games, and got a big 7 on 7 game going in the 2nd hour. Let’s get into this:

Warm up Game 1 Highlights:
-Team 1: K-bomber Ketal Patel @QB, Alex ‘Speedy’ Britez, newcomer Raf ‘P90x’ Inoa, Jairo and Cunkleta man.
-Team 2: Carmelo ‘Owens’ Ruiz, newcomer Allen ‘Angel’s little brother’ Cartagena, JJ ‘The Animal’ Ruiz, Jadi and Hugo ‘Fishback’ Reyes @QB.
-Allen and JJ provided big targets over the middle, with CO going deep down the sidelines and making int’s.
-K-bomber kept it interesting throwing TD passes to Alex, but once JJ was allowed to rush the QB, it was game over…
-The long arm of the law was too much for the K-bomber to overcome forcing him into turnovers and incompletions
- Jairo scored a touchdown on a long pass play from Ketal. Longest TD of the day.
-Final score: Juice Squad-3 - K-Bombers-5

The 2nd game was pretty intense and came close to the winter classic of 2006.  Game 2 pitted the original Fatmen v. the new crew…some big calls requiring refs, who were probably on a donut break got intense, but it was all good…a lineman on each team and pass rusher were required…..

Game 2 highlights:
Team 1: newcomers Dunn #28, Steve aka ‘I’ll bring home the milk, Honey’, and Sanders #21 aka the Headband man, Rafie, Allen, Jadi, and Chunkleta man….
Team 2: Alex, Ketal, JJ, Julio ‘The Solar Eclipse’ Marenco, Jairo P., Melo, and Hugo…..
-Allen made plenty of acrobatic and sideline TD catches throughout the game…until his ankle got stomped by JJ…but he trooped it the rest of the game….
-Chunkleta became really good at hiking the ball….he got that move down pat…did someone throw him a pass in either game?
-Jadi ‘Fat Basterd’ Rodriguez talked sh*t all game long and showed he could score, he also had some serious ankle bustage, but that didn’t keep him from finishing out the game…
-Jairo ‘Oohh my knee’ Paredes pressed Jadi all game and made a crucial interception during the game…too bad he pulled up lame before scoring the TD….
-Ketal and his glasses got taken out by Allen on the sideline during a QB run…..that looked like it hurt for sure…
-JJ was either playing bump and run coverage 30 yds down the field or putting #21 in a headlock…couldnt tell…
-Dunn came across the middle and took people out doing crossing routes….I was a victim on a crossing route knocking my shades off my head….
-Raf requested I stop running because he couldn’t keep up much longer…..definite sign of inactivity on his part :)
-Dunn invoked the QB slide for the 1st time in Fatman history…coming up short on a controversial 1st down call…
Final score: OG’s-7 . Newbies-5
In all it was a great game….the newcomers proved their mettle and definitely proved they were out of shape like the rest of us…

With that a few awards:
Brian Bosworth award: Jadi for talking caca all game long and not delivering
Man Crush award: Ketal for never looking at Jairo or me until the last drive
Neophyte award: Tie-Rafie for showing he is truly out of shape and his 3 boys who are always welcome to play
Fairplay award: JJ for playing good, solid D
Referee award: Tie- Allen, Jadi, and #28 for arguing almost every call
Hunchback award: Chunkletas aka Ketal’s cousin for taking one for the team and being slumped over hiking the ball all game
Herb award: Nelson Nieves for sayin he was going to play and backing out as expected

Next game this Sunday, Oct 11th, 9:30am!!!!!!!….Let me know if who can make it….
Raf make sure to send this to your boys and let them know they can come thru again….get their emails for me.

Juice
Sargeant-fAt-Arms